#unpopularopinion: Do Not Slap A Man And Expect Him To ‘Man Up’ – By Abigail Ocheibi (READ)


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pysical abuse

Nigeria is known for upholding her culture and tradition and so the institution of marriage is highly regarded, not just by individuals but also by the laws of the land, as it is considered sacred.

In recent times, young Nigerians are not only petrified at the thought of getting married but are also no longer showing regards to what marriage totally represents and should stand for.

Though a lot of factors contribute to these mindsets, the most talked about at the moment is the issue of physical abuse against women, a ground upon which countless marriages no longer exist.

Before now, marriage was not just enjoyed, but it was also endured. Thus, safe to say the issue of physical abuse was not actually unpopular, rather suppressed.

Back in the day, couples stayed married not because they were happy or being provided for, or supported nor were they free from physical abuse, but a handful of them stayed despite all the maltreatment for the ‘sake of their children’, fear of the unknown, what the society would say and what becomes of them thereafter among other considerations.

Women were being raised to ensure whatever because that’s the only way they can salvage and keep their marriages while the men were taught to “man up” and never speak up when abused else, they are seen less than the men they really are.

This sensitive issue has been ongoing for a long time now and the society never really paid attention to it until in recent times when those in the eye of the public started talking about it, sharing their experiences and creating awareness about the need to speak out.

There is no doubt that countless women have lost their lives to this sick practice and many are still battling with it. The truth is, so do some men.

Nigerian social media basically broke down when top Nigerian actress, Tonto Dikeh opened up about her broken home few years ago due to allege physical abuse, a situation which has given lots of other women to start talking about their similar experiences.

Now, this problem has created lots of heated arguments and debates among Nigerians as to whether there is any justification to physical abuse against women in marriage or relationships. Myriad of questions in demand for answers:

No doubt that a lot of women are good at verbal abuse against their partners but should that really warrant physical abuse against them in return?

Should a man get physical towards a woman in defense for his life, say the women gets physical with him first?

What really should be considered a justification for physical abuse in a relationship?

What effective measures can be taken to avoid this trend with no one getting hurt in the process?

Again, while we talk about physical abuse against women, there are thousands of men who go through same situation in the hands of  women but they never talk about it simply because the society expect them to be “men” and because the society thinks that women are always at the receiving end no matter what.

 

So here is what I think. When you are raising your queens (girls), teach them the ways of a queen. They’ve got to be queen-like first before being seen or taken as one.
Again, the Holy book (my belief ) says ‘do unto others what you would like them to do unto you’.

DO NOT slap a man and expect him to ‘man up’ and let it slide. He might not hit you back and I am not saying he should either but all I am saying is, even if he walks away without touching you, your action is never justifiable. .

Do not raise your hand on any man first period! Except maybe you don’t mind him hitting you back, which you must not consider an act of violence.

So parents, when you teach your boys not to hit a woman, do teach your girls not to do same. (In moments of arguments or little fights, ladies try not to get physical first.

 

As adults, let’s all be responsible for our actions.

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